December birthday babies Celebration 20.12.2015

First time celebrating with lotsa Aw'some crowd of friends. 

I've got to Admit...

Daughtry - Start of something good

To Mr AngeL, this song is for you 


I've got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind
This might end up like it should
And I'm gonna say what I need to say
And hope to god that it don't scare you away
Don't wanna be misunderstood

Cause I don't know where it's going
There's a part of me that loves not knowing
Just don't let it end before we begin

Highlight of the year 2014

March 1st, 2014 -  First ever in 30++ years, had my left elbow fracture. Experience - I kind of missing being temporary disable, but everything went to slowwww T_T, limited movement, its Bitter Sweet moment ^o^

June 1st, 2014 - Had a close session Gawai celebration for my buddies a.k.a The Clowns ^o^ Was tipsy on the night, got carried away with the drinking LOL!! ^_^

Latest Sept 2014 - Our another one short get away to KL again. 

We are left with 1 month++ to 2015. I don't know what the future holds for me. Can't promise anything but i'm gonna Live it to the Fullest!! 

My Story so far...

 Mr Arrogant - It has been 3 weeks now. Ever since No text, No calls from him, which 3 weeks back earlier i realise i meant nothing to him. He was out for the weekend but didn't bother letting me know about it. I text his whatsapp - No replied. I figure out i got block. Oh well, i did the same thing, i block his whatsapp till today & i decided to remove it.

Walking away for the 3rd time!! Its none of our fault, we just have different needs. I needed something which he can't even figure out it by himself. 

At this time, Letting Mr Arrogant go wasn't so heart breaking for me, because you were never mine to lose from the start.

I wish Mr Arrogant the best?

Pathetically speaking!

Lost

how i feel at the moment.

Dear, You - Mr AngeL

There i say it!!! 

 

Return & Away

Feeling bummed this few months. Well, i finally doing ok ever since the Mystery/Creepy thing in my room. Feeling better & look better! Hoping not to go through that again anymore! Pray to Almighty!  

With the dream i had this past few days, it made me thinking so much! I believe in dreams unless its something out of ordinary i might said i got carried away by it *peace*. I hardly had a dream when sleeping, so when i dream...it tells me something perhaps an answer i'm looking for; though most of it are like puzzles. I had to figure it out. I'll be get back to that in another blog post. *chill*

Anyhoo.....I was ranting my tantrums of the Return & Away. Posted a random/intentionally on my fb yesterday night and waking up early because a fan i followed on Younow is online live, Had to hear him singing *giggles*

Saw notification fb pop on my ipad, checked it and i saw Angel (likes). I guess that caught his attention! Mixed emotion all the way!! OMG!! OMG!! Blushing, giggling, shy. At the same time, i had this feeling I didn't wanna see his fb post, cause my emotion will turn from Way Up then down to ZERO - NIL - NADA, and typically blunt of me i check it out...and yup...Not knowing what is going on, what is he going through....Feeling so distant, feeling aloof *tears*

Though i feel down when i see the post,...i feel a LiL Happy seeing the updates, knowing you are still in one piece :p

Dear Angel, the pictures says how much i wanted to be there for you. I guess i will just be Dreaming away....

Mystery or Creepy

Havent been able to sleep well. After since had this creepy thing going on. 

Scary enough!! Had this sub concious situation, where i was about to sleep off, this sudden long finger nails touching my hand. I usually gets really angry when this kind of thing disturbing. So i was saying in my half sleep to go away. However it didnt stop, the moment i shout at it, i was awaken in a dream. In that dream i walk out from my bedroom, and reaching from behind to switch on the lights; that long finger pulled me back....i was so afraid and i manage to wakeup reality!!! I couldnt sleep till 5am. 

It has been 4 years, i hadnt felt so afraid to sleep in my bedroom. 

On the next night, i was closing my eyes to sleep & i saw this shadow linger around my face. I tell myself not to open my eyes & simply ignore but i had the tapping from my left shoulder. I keep on ignoring it. 

A friend of mine told me as he can see this thing, theres something lingering around me.

I knew, i felt something not right after since what happened, but in denial of this crap. 

Whoever you are, i'm living my life just like everyone else. If i have taken something that doesnt belong to me. I'm sorry, but at least let me know...its not mine to take if its belong to you. 

Dear Almighty, what test is this, i hope i can get thru all of it, but please protect my family and myself from it too. Theres noone more greater than you to prevent this thing, as i am a weak human. I would wish this thing to back fired but i wouldnt cause i am neither the same as them. I've given a heart to be very compassionate and a brain to think wisely.

 Cruelty doesnt solve anything. 

Just for sharing

Guts, Hate, Want you

Totally how i felt for you at the moment.

Had been away from phone whatsapp last week. Away from Mr Arrogant with Guts i hate.😤 However he text me, wondering where i have been. Was literally feeling overwhelm that he's looking for me after i kinda quietly silence myself from him as he not knowing my reason is. But then still doesnt change, i'll be the one who will always drop by to text saying Hi, teasing things after the next day. 😒 And i'm doing it again, away from him after a conversation, i was asking him the color perfume i gave him birthday gift last year. He said Did i gave him a gift?? At first i Thought he was teasing me. I said i did gave him. And his respond was Ooh...anyway goodnight, had to be early tomorrow morning. I ended the conversation with WHATEVER!!!

I hate that!!! Everytime i asked him something randomly, he wouldnt give me any answers!! 😡😠

I hate him, hate his guts but want him so much...

I questions things, what did i do to be treated like this? To be treated by a person i have feelings. 

As always when we were a couple, i tend to say I am a Nobody to you. Yet it still doesnt change, till today no longer together, I'm still  nobody special in his life. 😓

I'm tired.....having feelings for somebody who doesnt care. But i'm still heading to him put up with his crap or whatever he do. 

Easier said than done. I wish i can simply walk away, go away, run away from this feelings, tangled...

Night

Spending the night with him, Mr Arrogant(Ex).😝 I guess, not its not a guess, i'll say he's the only guy i have been seeing this 3 years after my last relation in 2010. I seriously dont know where or what relation we are having. Its like this song goes 🎶Somedays you would Love me then you dont, then you do, then you wont, then you're here, then you're gone, i'm alone, you got me stressing on the floor🎶 

I did give it a thought to date other guy but i feel so insecure in terms, i dont trust people nowdays. Oh lordy, how am i gonna get thru this....😩 Its really depressing!

Although, Mr Arrogant being arrogant at some point he expressed his feeling while i am asleep, in which i happen to hear it. But when i'm consciously awake, he tends to be very cocky. urrgghhh 😒 I do know the feelings i have for him is still there deep down in my heart, however i do have this special feelings for Mr Angel 😓. I'm so making myself Tangled!! 

I wish Almighty hear me out, what am i going to do with this 2 people. Mr Arrogant whom i have relation, still seeing each other till today n which i'm not sure the outcome. Mr Angel whom i secretly develop feelings in which have never meet in person just his Tantrums, will there be any chance?

Missing You Mr Angel

No Matter where you are...I still Like you....Will always Do. I don't really know much about you, somehow the feelings i have for you are real.

Mr Angel JxxBxx

Yesterday night

K

Spend a night with my ex, cause feeling a bit frighten of the room i reserve to stay the night of an event i have to attend.

The rooms have 2 beds. i didnt want sleep next to him cause of the fracture elbow arm i had in a process of healing. However he sleeps next to me. It was a nice night.😊 He hugged me till morning. However, i'm in a Dilemma, he was awake for awhile, he hug n kissed my cheek and say "I Love u" twice and went back to sleep.😳 i was consciously awake when i heard the words he said. 😓

I dont know whether he was talking in his sleep or whatever it is.😕I am so feeling the same way towards him 😢I know i still want him. I did Love him when we hooked up, but i left him because he was not committed and ready. Currently we are just re-dating. 😓 I dont want to have that feelings because i had been hurt that he wasnt ready last time. But on that night, hearing him say that, all i'm feeling is i so really want him badly. 😫 

I literally woke him up for the intimacy 💏making out, and he said he is tired but did say he'll promise make it up to me after the event i attended is done. Unfortunately, after the event, i went out for dinner with my friends, told him to meet up after that. He decide to see me next time. I feel angry, he promise to make it up. 😠😡😤

So frustuated right now!! 😖 I know some things wont change, but i wish that for a moment he'll priorties me first, sadly i'm just an option.

I dont know.......dont know what more i can say...😭😭💔

Familiar character,behavior

Currently, been watching this drama. I'm fond of the actor. First time saw him act in one series Vanilla Coklat. Aiman Hakim Ridza

Has always like a guy name Ridza thou 😆😁😘Anyway....in this drama series, the character he act, totally reminds me of the guy i dated, who happen to be my ex-boyfriend too. 2 years together, i chose to walk away, due to reason known to myself only. He contacted me back after almost a year i left him. Had a bad argument again, however we get back together but just dating for now. Apparently, hes the only ex, theres a song lyrics to this 🎶i keep getting back to that one thing i could walk away from🎶🎶😕 *sigh*

This character the actor act had a resemblence, even the looks my ex have, theyalmost look alike😬. A bit carried away, everytime i watch the episode 😤 At times i'm so mad to myself, why i still getting back to my ex. The things i want in a guy, he has it, One thing He Doesnt Smokes!!🚭 He may not be a Perfect Nice guy neither a Bad Guy.....its...i don't know whatelse to say about him. Another thing, His Ego boost makes me Nuts!! 😤

Oh dearie, how  & what am i going to do with myself...😵 

All i wish is this One particular person, to me he can swept my feet off within seconds 💯% 😍Angel guy. Dreamy??? No....he is real. Crazy me?? No....he is real. A person real. He address himself as the Angel. Reminds me of the movie Meet Joe Black. I love that movie. Extra ordinary, Angel of Death fell in Love with a human. He learn to love, about love, i guess thats how i felt towards him. I dont know him, no thing about him, just his Tantrums is all i know ☺️

But i heard no news from him & the last post i saw in his FB. i wish to tell him how i feel but i guess i'm too dreamy about it. 😓 Will there be a chance for us? I don't know. *feeling bitter* Frustuated thinking of it. 

An Ex i dated which i keep on getting back & i could walk away from repetatively & An Admire which i keep on dreaming we could be together & i keep on dreaming away.

Dear almighty, help me to pull this through. 🙏😕

Fracture left arm 28 Feb 2014

This happened last year in June 2013. I accidently caught my finger between the end side of a door. The door is something like the old thing cowboy flip door. I didnt notice was holding the side as it was dark in the club.

Had a hard time to drive. I can't grip my finger for a month but fully recover quickly in a month.😁

And now this year 28 Feb 2014 at 7.30pm, i accidently slipped n fell on my arm at work. The floor was sandy, which my flat shoes losing grip. It happen really quick!! I couldnt save myself to grab the side of my table. When i fell on my arm, i blackout few seconds, i get up but lay down cause my arm, too painful but still i forced myself to sit. I manage to sit up n take a deeppppp breathe. I stood n walk to the photocopier machine, i blackout again. My body was trembling in shock but i keep on telling myself, its just a minor sprain because i can move my hand. However the weird thing, when i want move it sideways, it was reallyyyy really painful, i stretch outwards only can do halfway, i flex trying to reach my shoulder, i couldnt do it n felt something hard. Still in denial, i think its sprain.😐

Went out with my friends for dinner, i keep on doing the same thing. I couldnt fully stretch n flex reaching my shoulder, couldnt move sideways. When to the emergency midnight, they gave a painkiller n send me to xray only the next morning.😖😵

Midnight emergency

Morning, Went do xray, the guy who do the xray saw the image, he was gasping n said 😯Oh gosh! Its fracture...." I was saying to him "

You serious....???!"😯

 With the worried n concern expression, He said "Thats why you can't move it sideways, stretch n flex" Completely speechless, hearing it... Xray for the second time, its confirm a fracture. He was nice n sweet asking i want see the xray image.

 So i go the other room n see it. He explain where the fracture is. I stood speechlessly, he asked "You ok?" I respond "No...."😐

Went to the Orthopedic, Doctor confirm that my arm, radial head fracture n undisplace as well. They cemented cased my arm healing for 3 weeks. First time in my life 😧

Arm casing is literally annoying especially the itchy part, i can't scratch!😤😤😤😤

Anyway, see in 3weeks time, imma have a hard time carrying heavy stuff from now on.

Speedy recovery🙏

My Holiday with Parents and Sisters

This is our very first time crossing the sea vacation. Let the picture do all the talking.

30 Dec 2013

Boarding at Miri Airport morning flight. 

Finally arrive at 2.30pm at Malaysia Hotel, Bukit Bintang

Next morning, going breakfast before going to KLCC Aquaria. Walking down to Pavilion.

First time in KL the sisters.

The KL bridge to KLCC aquaria

The Aquaria 

I missed Subway!!!