Ways to Deal with Heart Broken Part 2

PAIN IS NOT A BAD THING

One important thing that some people took away from a breakup is that they feared the pain. They were so afraid of the pain that they would put themselves through all of these complicated emotional “workarounds” just to avoid the pain. I think we make it harder by all of the avoidance behaviours we engage and that simply postpone the true healing process.

If you really loved someone, then the pain is something you SHOULD feel. Pain is not a bad thing. It is healthy and restorative. Pain means someone was important to you. It means that you are capable of deep love. By allowing the pain to freely move through you means that healing is taking place. Pain is your ally.

When you put weight on a broken ankle, pain is the sensation telling you “not yet”, the ankle isn’t ready”.

The pain is protecting you and alerting the brain of an area that requires resources and time. Well, emotional pain serves the same purpose.
The human brain is an absolutely astounding creation by god.

Your brain relies on pain.

It’s the feedback your brain needs to learn that the normal pathways associated with a certain person it once considered highly pleasurable are now highly UNPLEASANT. Your brain needs this pain to learn that this person is no longer to be associated with those positive feelings.
Over time, your thoughts of the person will lose what is called the “emotional charge” and the thought of your ex lover literally no longer carries the same electrical current.

EMOTIONALLY MATURE PERSON

An emotionally mature person knows that you can’t make anyone love you no matter how much you love them. “Love cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding”. The pain of breakup is awful at first. There’s no denying this, but as bad as it may be, it isn’t lethal. The pain itself can’t kill you and in time, it passes.
How you come to handle a breakup is really a sign of your emotional maturity. As you mature emotionally, you’ll handle them differently, and better.
Strive to be the emotionally mature adult who understands several things about losing a relationship with someone they love. This does not mean controlled or indifferent about the hurt you’re facing. Most importantly that you and YOU are alone responsible for your happiness and emotional well-being and that regardless of the crises, you will eventually feel better.

Signs of Emotionally Maturity

Ø An emotionally mature adult understands that it will HURT BADLY and they make room for this in their lives. They make that time and space necessary to breakdown and fall apart.

Ø An emotionally mature adult understands that it’s ok to cry even a lot. (This is especially true for us men who feel crying is inappropriate). Crying is very beneficial to healing and so is talking to someone about their feelings or even writing them down. *Personal Note: The first month when I broke up with my ex, I didn’t allow myself to cry, even in private. I just became detached, numb and having sleeping disorder which led to a prolonged recovery and a bad depression that I eventually have to take some anti depression pills to help me straightened up. After the 1 months period, I made it a point to cry privately and intensely. I also kept a journal too and went to a love forum on the internet expressing how I feel which was VERY helpful.

Ø An emotionally mature adult understands that the pain is necessary and that regardless of its intensity, it nonetheless TEMPORARY.

Ø An emotionally mature adult is not afraid of the pain. Whether they like it or not, they accept it and know they have to face it. They allow it to fully flow through them. They don’t try to distract themselves of it, deny it, numb it or self-medicate it. They say to their pain “do your worst, I can take it”. Some people come to the extends of drowning themselves in alcohol (which I’ve done myself on the first 2 months of my break up) or taking drugs, but in honesty all these doesn’t help to cure the pain..It just worsens it when you get sober and what’s worse you’re damaging your health as well.

Ø An emotionally mature adults understand that it makes no sense whatsoever to think that they can change the outcome of the breakup and that they don’t allow themselves to go through the futile exercises of begging, waiting, continuously calling, writing letter, sending email, pleading or trying to show their ex that they’ve “changed” in attempts to get the relationship back . I’ve experienced this with my previous ex girlfriend that the more you begged, calling or flood their email, the more they lose their respect to you as they already had in the first place. There’s no point in loving someone when they do not have any respect for u and that they can’t appreciate u.

“When she cheated on you over some guy, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. For forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.”

“Love is not a clock. You simply cannot take it apart just to see what makes it tick, and even if you could, you probably could never get it back together again.”


Ø An emotionally mature adult knows that the only way they will get past their break up is by having ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT with their ex for an extended period of time and giving themselves distance. If somebody dumps u because they doesn’t appreciate you or can’t wait for u then it is their loss for giving up someone who truly loves them. There is no point in contacting them as you will get hurt by their answer or attitude which leads to prolonged recovery. If they still love you then they will call u, they will come to u by hell or high water. I know sometimes some dumper would just simply call the person they dump just to say hi or whatever reason (without having the intention of taking them back). These people is holding you on a string and keeping you dangling or hanging which they love to do so. I believe this is a cruel and selfish act. They're the ones who want the distance, but when you comply with their wishes they get all needy. These people just need to know they call the shots. Remember, anyone who messes with your emotions, is not worth dealing with, because they'll always expect YOU to go that extra nine yards for THEM. They should know better that emotions are not collector’s item. So turn the cards or table if you have to n let them know that the only reason they should call is when they want to say “Let’s get together again.” Other than that, then it should be ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT.

Ø An emotionally mature adult knows that during this period of time (No contact), they will not be themselves. They will behave irrationally and be overwhelmed by their feelings at times. They will fell a compulsive need to contact their ex or question everything about the relationship. They know they will feel extremely angry, insecure or jealous for a period of time.



Ø An emotionally mature adult knows that the constant ‘longing’ or ‘yearning’ and the hit to their self-esteem following a breakup is a normal part of the grieving process and that they can allow the feelings and fully feel them without giving into them or acting on them.



Ø An emotionally mature person knows all that mention above shall pass and they know that in time, this person will no longer stir the same feelings in them.



An emotionally mature person knows that when he or she is ready, they will fall in love again because they know that the feeling comes from the inside and NOT from the object of their affection.



Ø An emotionally mature person knows that they should forgive the person who hurt them as forgiveness brings inner peace. They knows that they are glad for having her/him as part of their lives for her/him have open their eyes to True Love which once gave them happiness.





Thats the Part 2 of it...