Ways to Deal with Heart Broken Part 2

PAIN IS NOT A BAD THING

One important thing that some people took away from a breakup is that they feared the pain. They were so afraid of the pain that they would put themselves through all of these complicated emotional “workarounds” just to avoid the pain. I think we make it harder by all of the avoidance behaviours we engage and that simply postpone the true healing process.

If you really loved someone, then the pain is something you SHOULD feel. Pain is not a bad thing. It is healthy and restorative. Pain means someone was important to you. It means that you are capable of deep love. By allowing the pain to freely move through you means that healing is taking place. Pain is your ally.

When you put weight on a broken ankle, pain is the sensation telling you “not yet”, the ankle isn’t ready”.

The pain is protecting you and alerting the brain of an area that requires resources and time. Well, emotional pain serves the same purpose.
The human brain is an absolutely astounding creation by god.

Your brain relies on pain.

It’s the feedback your brain needs to learn that the normal pathways associated with a certain person it once considered highly pleasurable are now highly UNPLEASANT. Your brain needs this pain to learn that this person is no longer to be associated with those positive feelings.
Over time, your thoughts of the person will lose what is called the “emotional charge” and the thought of your ex lover literally no longer carries the same electrical current.

EMOTIONALLY MATURE PERSON

An emotionally mature person knows that you can’t make anyone love you no matter how much you love them. “Love cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding”. The pain of breakup is awful at first. There’s no denying this, but as bad as it may be, it isn’t lethal. The pain itself can’t kill you and in time, it passes.
How you come to handle a breakup is really a sign of your emotional maturity. As you mature emotionally, you’ll handle them differently, and better.
Strive to be the emotionally mature adult who understands several things about losing a relationship with someone they love. This does not mean controlled or indifferent about the hurt you’re facing. Most importantly that you and YOU are alone responsible for your happiness and emotional well-being and that regardless of the crises, you will eventually feel better.

Signs of Emotionally Maturity

Ø An emotionally mature adult understands that it will HURT BADLY and they make room for this in their lives. They make that time and space necessary to breakdown and fall apart.

Ø An emotionally mature adult understands that it’s ok to cry even a lot. (This is especially true for us men who feel crying is inappropriate). Crying is very beneficial to healing and so is talking to someone about their feelings or even writing them down. *Personal Note: The first month when I broke up with my ex, I didn’t allow myself to cry, even in private. I just became detached, numb and having sleeping disorder which led to a prolonged recovery and a bad depression that I eventually have to take some anti depression pills to help me straightened up. After the 1 months period, I made it a point to cry privately and intensely. I also kept a journal too and went to a love forum on the internet expressing how I feel which was VERY helpful.

Ø An emotionally mature adult understands that the pain is necessary and that regardless of its intensity, it nonetheless TEMPORARY.

Ø An emotionally mature adult is not afraid of the pain. Whether they like it or not, they accept it and know they have to face it. They allow it to fully flow through them. They don’t try to distract themselves of it, deny it, numb it or self-medicate it. They say to their pain “do your worst, I can take it”. Some people come to the extends of drowning themselves in alcohol (which I’ve done myself on the first 2 months of my break up) or taking drugs, but in honesty all these doesn’t help to cure the pain..It just worsens it when you get sober and what’s worse you’re damaging your health as well.

Ø An emotionally mature adults understand that it makes no sense whatsoever to think that they can change the outcome of the breakup and that they don’t allow themselves to go through the futile exercises of begging, waiting, continuously calling, writing letter, sending email, pleading or trying to show their ex that they’ve “changed” in attempts to get the relationship back . I’ve experienced this with my previous ex girlfriend that the more you begged, calling or flood their email, the more they lose their respect to you as they already had in the first place. There’s no point in loving someone when they do not have any respect for u and that they can’t appreciate u.

“When she cheated on you over some guy, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. For forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.”

“Love is not a clock. You simply cannot take it apart just to see what makes it tick, and even if you could, you probably could never get it back together again.”


Ø An emotionally mature adult knows that the only way they will get past their break up is by having ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT with their ex for an extended period of time and giving themselves distance. If somebody dumps u because they doesn’t appreciate you or can’t wait for u then it is their loss for giving up someone who truly loves them. There is no point in contacting them as you will get hurt by their answer or attitude which leads to prolonged recovery. If they still love you then they will call u, they will come to u by hell or high water. I know sometimes some dumper would just simply call the person they dump just to say hi or whatever reason (without having the intention of taking them back). These people is holding you on a string and keeping you dangling or hanging which they love to do so. I believe this is a cruel and selfish act. They're the ones who want the distance, but when you comply with their wishes they get all needy. These people just need to know they call the shots. Remember, anyone who messes with your emotions, is not worth dealing with, because they'll always expect YOU to go that extra nine yards for THEM. They should know better that emotions are not collector’s item. So turn the cards or table if you have to n let them know that the only reason they should call is when they want to say “Let’s get together again.” Other than that, then it should be ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT.

Ø An emotionally mature adult knows that during this period of time (No contact), they will not be themselves. They will behave irrationally and be overwhelmed by their feelings at times. They will fell a compulsive need to contact their ex or question everything about the relationship. They know they will feel extremely angry, insecure or jealous for a period of time.



Ø An emotionally mature adult knows that the constant ‘longing’ or ‘yearning’ and the hit to their self-esteem following a breakup is a normal part of the grieving process and that they can allow the feelings and fully feel them without giving into them or acting on them.



Ø An emotionally mature person knows all that mention above shall pass and they know that in time, this person will no longer stir the same feelings in them.



An emotionally mature person knows that when he or she is ready, they will fall in love again because they know that the feeling comes from the inside and NOT from the object of their affection.



Ø An emotionally mature person knows that they should forgive the person who hurt them as forgiveness brings inner peace. They knows that they are glad for having her/him as part of their lives for her/him have open their eyes to True Love which once gave them happiness.





Thats the Part 2 of it...

Ways to Deal with Heart Broken Part 1 Introduction

Ways to Deal with Heart Broken.

“Love works like magic, but beware magic could as well be an illusion”.

“Summer romance ends for all kinds of reason. But when all have been said n done, they have one thing in common; they’re shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light and heaven. A fleeting glimpse of eternity and in a flash they're gone...”

Hey...Its raining outside & I'm feeling restless. I guess the weather seems to bother my mind. You just can't get it off your mind because, its an Uncertain & Unquestionable thing to find the answers to whats been bothering you.

I've been thinking alot lately..but somehow i just want to share An Article. Kind of a very long one thou; but its worth to read. Got this article from a An Aquaintance friend by the name of Boyd, he's one of my Ex-Classmate during St James & SMPJN KB. And thanks for letting me to share it in my blog.

INTRODUCTION

I may not be an expert or a love guru but I am here to share my experience about the remedy of heartbroken that is going on in our life. I just want to tell anyone that reading this and suffering from a broken heart that you will be okay. You will get over this. Some of you may be thinking to yourself “I’ll never get over him or her”. Believe me, you will. Or some of you may be thinking “I won’t feel this way for someone ever again”. Once again, you will.

When I broke up with my ex, I feel like I can't even catch my breath to some extent. I felt like I lost my other half, and although it's only been three months since I lost her, I felt the pain was getting worse. It felt like the pain is an ocean, and I'm drowning in it. I couldn’t catch my breath, and I thought there must be weights tied to my feet, because I was only sinking further. They said time heals but it seems as if every minute was translating to another gallon of pain for me to drown in. I'm walking on the track in reverse, and I've felt I’d lost my mind. Whenever anyone talks about any girl, I just think of my ex. When-ever someone says something about a female, my ex was the first that pops up in my mind. I felt myself dying inside and not ever being able to recover from that heart-broken. This is what happens to you when you lost the one you really love.

However, you’re not going crazy or losing your mind. You’re not becoming a hopeless, pathetic emotional wreck either. Your life is not remotely close to being over. You’re just hurting right, hurting really badly and that is ok. All you need is time. It’s true that time does heal all wounds. How long it’ll take to heal? It all depends on you and remember “Rome wasn’t built in one day” and therefore it may not take a day or two but time does heal all wounds.

Heartbroken is when a person that we love tend to abuse our hopes, dream, love, trust and respect, which in later stages, leaves us being hurt or in pain without caring for us. When you are hurt, you will feel pain and this is the hardest emotion that we have to deal during heartbroken. Whether we like it or not we have to face it. The pain is what keeps people from being out of control and not thinking straight. Some even have the decency to try out suicide. Well keep in mind that heartbroken is TEMPORARY but suicide is PERMANENT. By committing suicide, you’re just letting that person that makes all the damage to you wins. U can’t solve anything by committing suicide.

So this a few start i get to share..so drop by to see more of this...

Watch, Learn & Listen Part 1

Loving Unavailable People

Learn how to not do it!

Oh, why do we love those that can't love us back? It's the agony of romantic comedies, tragedies and endless journal entries. If you are stuck in the sad pattern of falling into relationships that leave you without love, you may be loving unavailable people.

Remember, it takes two to be in a bad relationship. That's why it's important to look at your choices so that you can get out of the untouchable tango and into a healthy (equal!) partnership. Here's how to find out if you love unavailable people and, if so, see how to move on!

If they're committed - they're unavailable!

Sounds so obvious, doesn't it? Then you hit it off at a party and talk all night long and smile and flirt and just before you lean in for a kiss, the cell phone rings. It's the roommate - the lover best friend who lives in their shared apartment. But, don't worry... they're going to break up any day now. Which you tell yourself repeatedly when you come by for an afternoon quickie that has to be done by 4:30pm because that's when the "roommate" comes home from making the world a better place. Don't bargain with this in your head. It's a landmine. Don't just be friends. It's a landmine. If you are sincerely attracted to someone in a committed relationship, you are attracted to pain. Walk away. Because even if your fantasy of breaking them up comes true, watch your back. For the next time they cheat on the "lover-best-friend-they-are-living-with", it will be you!

Don't lie - to yourself!

If you would rather lie to yourself than confront the person you're sleeping with, you are loving an unavailable person. They said they would call Sunday night. Instead, when you call on Tuesday they explain how busy it's been with work and life. If you would rather justify this in your head with, well, we don't have to see each other all the time, or some other lame explanation for the fact that you were so low on the priorities that everything else comes first, then you are chasing someone who doesn't care about you. Your hesitation to simply say, "I was hurt when you didn't call me" is because you would rather make up excuses than face the fact that this relationship isn't what you want it to be. If you believe that this relationship will dissolve if you communicate how you really feel, then it's not really a relationship, is it?

Once is enough

If you have never loved someone who has loved you back, you are going to love an unavailable person. We learn to love those that can't show up for us from our primary love relationships - for most of use, that is our parents. It may not be as simple as whether or not your parents were married or divorced, but rather, did they engage with you in a consistent and loving manner? Were they willing to put your needs first when it counted? Did you feel safe to express how you feel and that what you said mattered? If you weren't loved in a healthy way, you will seek the same dynamic in your romantic relationships. The good news is, you only have to love an unavailable person once in your life. Then you have a choice to do it the same way and feel the same way or to try it another way and see what love has for you!

Love yourself

It's important to realize that you need to love yourself more than you love the unavailable person. When you love someone who can't show up for you, you are participating in the dance of unfulfilling love. You are judging yourself unworthy of a deeper consciousness. You are putting yourself below someone who can't even really see you.

Love yourself first. Treat yourself like royalty. Indulge yourself with self-care and cultivate friendships with healthy loving people. You will find your way to attracting someone who can love you as much as you love yourself. We teach others how to treat us. If you are showing up for yourself, you won't be able to tolerate someone who doesn't show up for you.