6 months - And you finally say it.
How you call it quits was something i didn't anticipate real quick. We're you sorry enough after all the words you said to me?
13 December 2015 - You officially said the next morning i'm your girlfriend. We look good together, despite our differents in Language, cultures & i had a feeling our difference makes us close.
18 December 2015 - I remember clearly when sending you off to the airport for your 2 weeks holiday at your hometown germany; you didn't want to go. And your text on my phone, You wished you can turn back the time. It seems you want what we have to work out.
5 January 2016 - I waited for your return after 2 weeks. We finally together again. Somehow i notice something, you usually call me "Hi Honey", but then it was only "Hi". A week after your return, i asked for us to meet up, but you told me you had to work for the weekend before your last hitch working. I just had to bare with it. Somehow i had a bad feeling, you distance your self with no text & i texted you telling you have been acting different. You texted we need to meet up & have a talk. At the back of my head, something is up.
15/16 January 2016 - Closed to midnight we meet up. You were happy seeing me & asked how am i but i gave you a long face, didn't respond a word. Reach to your room, we sat & conversation goes...
I asked him, "Do you like me?". "Yes! I like you" he sincerely said. "Do you love me?" I frankly asked him. He paused somehow trying to find the right words & i say "Its too soon to say is it?" I softly smiled. He nodded, "Hmm....yea. But i like you." I smiled again.
"Are we doing the right thing?" He asked. I looked at him and say, "What do you want Honey?"
"I don't know......", he cluelessly saying.
At that moment, hearing you say that, i knew he's breaking up with me but didn't want to say it out loud. I asked him during his stayed & working in my hometown before meeting me, have you ever go out or even date asian ladies. He frankly said no, never. Why? Because he's not fond of asian.
"I'm Asian! You date me. I'm your girlfriend. Whats the difference?" I literally standing up for myself with a smile. "You're different. You're Special. What makes you special? Cause alot of things i knew about your country even i've stayed & work here almost 2 years (two or one year i forgot, my bad). You tell me lots of things which i didn't really know." He said.
I asked him the second time, "What do you want Honey? A really long paused & you answered, "I don't know." Then i say, "Do you know what i want, Honey? I still want to be with you!"
"Why me? You're beautiful, you can get any guys you want." He blunty say.
At the back of my head & deep down i said to myself, Why the hell is he saying?? Am i not his girlfriend ? You can't simply tell your girlfriend and say things like that!?
"I know i'm beautiful, sexy, hot or whatever you called it. I know with this freaking beautiful awesomely gorgeous face i can get any guy i want! But.....i still want you!, i stricted. "But why me?", he say again. "Then why me?. I'm asian but why me?, i asked him back. "I don't know......i don't know...." He said it twice.
After since that, till the end of the january before you leave the country, i text n leave a message saying, "I will always think of you Honey" and till the picture i saw. I believe you moving on to a different phase with someone new.
Everyday, everytime, I wished i didn't see you at the cafe when you were with your friends colleague. I wished i didn't smile at you. I wished i didn't approach you. I wished i didn't talk to you. I wished i didn't know you.
The heart break, i can't find words to describe the feeling. Sometimes i feel Blanked, sometimes i so want to punch you on the face! Sometimes i feel it was a mistake with you. Sometimes i want to go far away from where i am right now to forget the memories & feelings i have for you.
We have something, something special but you chose to put it aside because we are in two different world & place.
This is just so heart breaking........
